Ecouter Lentement

The first duty of love is to listen. –Paul Tillich
One of my yoga instructors challenged us to think about the practice of listening.
- Do I honestly listen to myself?
-Am I actively listening to other people?
- Do I observe what is actually happening or am I inventing stories up to fill in missing information?

Admittedly, I'm a loud person. I say uncouth things and share my personal opinions on things a bit too liberally. It probably takes me 5 sentences to explain something that only needs 1 sentence. I've been shushed (multiple times) for being too loud. Yeah... I'm THAT girl. I don’t have the intention of being THAT obnoxious girl. And it’s the reason why I’m here writing this entry.

Talkers typically have poor listening skills. We are accused of indulging in narcissism, interjecting when it's not even our turn, and steering conversations into a competition or the "all about me" talk festival. And, yes, this is true in a lot of cases. In the defense of talking too much, I think talkers outwardly want to help and share through their personal stories. Perhaps we falsely assume that people actually WANT to hear about our experiences and opinions.

I wasn’t always much of a talker in my youth. I don’t know where the metamorphosis precisely happened, but I do recall one particular English professor who called me out in class for not speaking up more in our discussions. I was a naïve, inexperienced freshman taking an upper-level literature class. The stories we examined dealt with issues I had never experienced and/or I found difficult relating to: homosexuality, drug abuse, human psychology, tragedy, dysfunctional relationships, and death. I eventually learned that if I didn’t actively take part in discussions I would not be earning an A in this class. Also, I recall being so quiet that people would introduce themselves to me multiple times. Often they would forget that they had met me previously.

In sum, I started to learn that talkers get the top grades, make lasting impressions, and are respected more in certain scenarios at school, in social circles, and even in the workplace. So, I've always had this perhaps flawed idea in my head that speaking up garners more respect and attention. Also, I’ve often observed that you don’t even have to be that talented or intelligent or diligent or even kind, if you can charm people with an intoxicating story, many people will respect you and they don’t even really know why.

As a talker, I know that I have a long way to go. I should re-commit to listening more. Stop redirecting the flow of conversations and provide the space that people need to genuinely express themselves.