Lessons Only a Tiger Mom Could Teach...

My beautiful mother

I remember a childhood that oscillated between high levels of achievement, hard work, and hustling and high levels of straight up laziness. Usually when my parents were around, my brother, sister and I had to be doing something. We had to make sure the house was clean, we did our work, and we acted right. If that house was not clean, the conditions at the Peralta household would not be favorable.

One day my dad came home from work early. This was bad because we usually didn't do our chores until after we watched two hours of cartoons after school. So for him to show up at the house in the middle of us watching "The Jetsons" meant that we were lying on the floor in a cluttered mess, with no rice cooked for dinner, no defrosted chicken in the sink, no cold beers in the fridge, and basically we were not ready to receive my dad after his messy day of bureaucratic hospital politics.

He looked at us with disgust, with his eyebrow twitching, and said, "I've never seen children like this." My very young sister (probably 5 years old at the time) with all her sassy wisdom blurts out, "I've never seen parents like this." She rolled her eyes and started sweeping the kitchen floor.

The very jacked up thing about why my dad was frustrated was not because we didn't handle our domestic chores. No, his fury was greater than that. He knew if he had get control of this situation soon. If this house was not clean ASAP, he was gonna get the fury of his wife... the TIGER MOM!!!!! It's one thing when my typically mild-mannered father came home to a messy house with no cold beer. It was another thing if my mother came home from a 12-hour shift at the hospital, and all four of us didn't have our shit done. Not only would it be my fault, my brother's fault, my sister's fault... it would have been my dad's head if we didn't have this place clean in two hours. My mom set the tone for the temperature in our house.

When I was younger, I never understood my parents. I had one parent telling me how awesome I was, and another parent who'd say something like,"Come on Nicole. It's a history exam. Who gets B's in history?." It was quite confusing.

As I've gotten older, I've grown to cherish what my Tiger Mom taught me. Below are just a sprinkling of lessons that I've carried with me through the years....

#1 Mental toughness and tenacity
I remember having a really crappy day at one of my first jobs out of college. I had a boss that made me cry. I was so upset. I didn't typically go to my mom when I was upset, but I saw white girls do this a lot. White girls seem to really get uplifted by their moms.  So I thought I'd give it a go. I was crying in a bathroom stall and I told my mom how unfair, rude and unjust my work environment was.

After I emotionally unloaded in the bathroom stall at work, my mom said, "You are young. You are Asian. And, unfortunately, you're also a woman. You have three things against you already. And, calling me and crying isn't going to solve anything. You're going to go to the sink and wipe your tears, and do your job. That's what you are paid to do. You wanna talk about being fair and being professional. Do your job. If you need to cry, cry at home on your own time."

#2 Learn the value of a dollar
It was very common for people I went to school with to have a job. You know that minimum wage job where you fold t-shirts with a folding board or get a $1 tip serving people food. My mom secured a job for me being a perfume sales girl. I didn't realize I was going to be selling perfume at a flea market in an unsavory neighborhood where clients would butcher the pronunciation of fragrances. "Say girl. I wanna buy that bottle of CHANNEL." What the hell is channel?!?!?

My first gig when I was a senior in high school was working for a Filipino woman who owned a perfume shop at this flea market off of MLK and 610. I learned how to charm people using a coquettish Asian girl flirtation. "Oh for you! I'll give you $5 off of this perfume," I would say in a sweet whisper. The pathetic thing was everyone got the discount. They just didn't know that. And they fell for this discount every time.  For 12 hours worth of work, I was paid $25 in cash and fed a kids' meal from Arby's. I was pretty furious. I asked my mom why the hell did she convince me to take this job.

My mom responded saying,"Yeah. I just thought you'd like to learn about perfume. I'm sorry. Also, you're going away to college. I just wanted you to sample what life for you would be like if you lost your scholarship. Just imagine how long it would take to support yourself if you worked like that all the time."

Needless to say, when I went to college, I later learned that my parents financial status didn't qualify me to get one a campus job. I remember telling my financial aid officer. No I promise, we're poor. We shopped at Marshall's. I sure as hell didn't want to work at a flea market when I was a college student. So, I set up a tutoring business when I was a freshman. Parents would bring their kid to the college library. The first session was free which enticed people. Clients came to me, and I requested a month's worth of sessions paid in cash in advance.

Not bad for a former perfume sales girl, I suppose....

#3 Selfcare

At an early age, I remember my mom taking care of herself. She would take me to the YMCA for swim lessons and she would take an aerobics class. My mom would leave us at home while she went to get haircuts. My mom had her "me time." It was my mother who took me to get my first pedicure and showed me the magical wonders of the eyebrow wax.

While I was being tickled by a woman chattering Vietnamese wielding a pumice stone, my mother told me, "I'm showing you how to do this because you are your own responsibility. If you work hard, you need to take care of yourself."

#4 Hustle

"When I was young, I used to run," my mother would say this a lot. My siblings and I would make this disgusted  sarcastic look because what she was telling us was that she had to work hard all her life and when she was our age she was the oldest daughter in a large Filipino family. She was expected to get good grades, hand wash laundry, help her mom make dinner, and take care of a lot more stuff then what I had to do.

If my mom wanted a new bag or piece of jewelry, she took an extra shift. If she needed to make sure tuition got paid, she took on an extra job to make sure we got a college education. There was always a side hustle somewhere because if she wanted something, she was going to get it.

The lesson of the hustle also means having a work ethic and doing what you are supposed to do. Take pride in your work, and make the decision to do it well.

#5 Appreciations and Recognitions

When my mom gave praise, I know that it was fair. And, she put a high standard on herself and her children. So praise was not frequent. I do have to say for a woman who oftentimes had two jobs and was busy raising three kids she was present. Anytime one of us had a recital, she was there and afterwards as a family we'd eat ice cream at Dairy Queen. My mother never let us eat crap at home. So, getting to eat a Blizzard once every three months was a splurge for us.

In high school, I remember being upset because three girls at lunch  were making fun of me. They told me that my Dooney and Burke purse was ridiculously expensive and it didn't have the classy style that a Coach purse has. I told my mother what happened, and she just laughed and said, "Yeah. You should find better friends. I bought you that purse because you worked hard and you're a good kid and you wanted it for your 16th birthday. Don't let little people rob you of your joy - especially sad people with cheap ass purses from Payless. Who gives a damn what they think."