A story about crayons (because you deserve love, possibility, and fun)

Flickr: irish [hunny b]

In the past, I viewed so many aspects of my life like God handed me a stubby black crayon that I found on the ground. I was able to get by with this little black crayon. I could draw basic things - just getting by seeing things in black. I could stay within the lines that other people defined for me and yet never listening to the truth that was already inside of me.

What was this truth? There's always been this little voice inside of me that would wake me up in the middle of the night that wanted me to believe there was more to my life than just this little black crayon. I held tightly to my little black crayon because I didn't believe I deserved anything more than that.

Then slowly I began to meet people in my life who had lots of crayons. They dreamed in big ways and loved in big ways and because they loved so much they were able to share their crayons with me. They had the big box of crayons with the legit sharpener. At first, I would look at my little black crayon and wonder why my life didn't have room for a big box of crayons, too.

The heartbreaking truth for me was at the time, I didn't believe I deserved a big box of crayons.  I believed this because I let the dark and sad parts of my life dictate my vision. I wanted those crayons and yet I let unhappy people around me tell me that I didn't deserve it. The only color I could see was fear.

Many many years ago, a colleague tore up a design that I had been working on. Not only was it torn up in front of other colleagues, this person told me that all my designs in the presentation were worthless. People feared this person so much that not one colleague stood up to this bully. I didn't even stand up for myself.  I was so unhappy that I interpreted this experience as the bully saying to me, "Not only is your presentation worthless, by the way, you are worthless." I let an unhappy person make me believe that I had to be unhappy, too. 

How does a beautiful, smart, healthy and successful woman end up believing she is worthless? When the only color she can see is fear.

Through the support of good people who care and love me, I choose to never look at my life with such a low sense of self worth. I am loved and I am precious. And, hell yeah... I deserve the big box of crayons with the legit sharpener. 

I surround myself with people who have cases and cases of crayons. I have access to my own box of crayons because I have grown to have a better relationship with myself and with God and with how I view life. God would never hand me a stubby little black crayon.

If God is limitless grace, then as a child of God, I am limitless and I have grace.

I hope that you have access to a limitless amount of crayons because you deserve love, possibility, and fun.