With a big cup of chai tea latte, Jacob's beloved laptop, and a big smile on my face, I am here to write a love letter. To who you may ask? Well, I think this love letter is addressed to the city of Denver, my friends Sunny, Aaron, Erika, and baby Maeleena, and ultimately to myself. This summer has been one of the most challenging and beautiful times in my life. I think for the first time I have realized how far off the mark my life has become. Going on a personal vacation has really helped noursih me in ways I can't describe fully. But, I do know that I am happy and at peace. It's amazing.
Just a few months ago, I felt trapped and struggled with so many things. Ultimately, I didn't know how to respect, care, nourish, and love myself in a way that was everlasting. I was raised and taught to believe that I had to be doing something, being someone, and showing others what I have been doing. It was the first time I decided to take care of me, discover who I am, and start to meditate on how to respect myself unconditionally and find happiness regardless of circumstance, material objects, people in my life, job, and education. It was hard to let go of those self-esteem boosters for a while. Getting caught up on what people will think of you and not allowing the time to honestly discover the beautiful person you really are is painful, blinding, and scary.
Someone asked me a week ago, "What I've been doing with my time?" And the question was loaded with a lot of ugliness and hate. The person made me feel like I was a dilletante wasting away my life when in fact, I have been struggling to love who I was and get back to being a healthy and happy woman. I almost think it was out of a place that came from her own struggles, jealousy, hate, frustration, and circumstance. But, the verbal daggers cut into my poor little developing heart and soul. When a loved one judges you, it can hurt in a way that a complete stranger can't hurt. It hurts a lot more.
I don't have to create a "billable hours" account on what I do with my time. I have always thought that if someone got to really know me and really try and understand me. They would of course know what I am all about. And, yes, reading my blog or perhaps finding me on facebook would help (good luck finding me on facebook - ha!), but ultimately, understanding someone comes with taking the time to talk to the person, spend time finding out what the person likes to do, and observing what brings them joy.
Even though this trip isn't how I originally intended for it to be, I am so glad I used my airlines miles to visit Colorado. The people here are nice, and you can really tell they love being here. You look up and you can see the Rocky Mountains while exploring downtown, you can take a cute bike taxi and ride to the park and museum, and you can strike up a conversation with people on the street, in a cafe, or anywhere in between. Sunny and Aaron are amazing and adventurous and it is inspiring to be around people who live with love, fun, and spirit. The older I get the harder it is to find happy people. People who off course have their challenges just like everyone else, but live a life with grace.
The best thing one can do when someone insults or hurts you is to just take a step back and re-commit to loving yourself, nourshing yourself, and connecting with your soul. If you show God where it hurts, God will patiently and lovingly pick you back up no matter how ugly and hurtful situations are and show you how life is still beautiful. A summertime trip filled with delights noursishes the broken heart -sketching, artwork, resting in a cafe, connecting with good friends, hiking in the mountains, biking at midnight, or a morning run through an undiscovered neighborhood. These are all things that you can't aquire quickly, can't find these things if you are at home watching tv, can't find slaving away in your office... True happiness regardless of the pain you are experiencing has to be carved out by your own willingness to pursue it.
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