Facing Your Fears

Facing the Fears...Staring at Your Demons...and Kicking Resistance in the Stomach

I think you know what I'm talking about. Those nasty questions that bug you at night or when you're waiting for the bus or going for a walk: "What if I'm not good enough? What if he no longer loves me and dumps me? What if I'm honestly meant to be alone? What if it's not in the cards for me and I really don't deserve anything I am working hard for? What if they find out that I'm really stupid and don't know what I'm doing?...." Anyway, I'm sure you can insert your own concerns here...

Do you ever get concerned about things? You think way too much about something? You ever dwell in doubt and fears that it becomes an unwelcomed friend?

What do you do to deal with it?

- Sometimes I just sit there and wonder where the hell this is all coming from? There's an obvious message underneath all that crap and self-doubt. It's important to get to the root of that message.

- In response to it, sometimes I write those fears down or say them out loud. In a way, I almost think by writing or saying them I am giving those fears power. But, eventually, you have to face them and let them out. Then you can rationally and logically and even spiritually be mindful of them. Lay them out before God. There is a cosmos that is greater than you. Let nature take its course and through breathing and experience you can calm your nerves.

- Sometimes, I just cry. I know that is really insane and crazy for some people to think about, but sometimes it's really all you wanted to do. The tears, emotions, and frustration eventually come up to the top of glass and float there. Play your sad music and just cry. It's okay.

- Tell a friend or a family member. Sometimes they can put your fears into perspective.

It was interesting to read about what Steven Pressfield says about fear in "The War of Art."

"These are serious fears. But they're not the real fear. Not the Master Fear, the Mother of all Fears that's so close to us that even when we verbalize it we don't believe it. Fear That We Will Succeed.

That we can access the powers we secretly know we possess.

That we can become the person we sense in our hearts we truly are.

This is the most terrifying propsect a human being can face, because it ejects him at one go (he imagines) from all the tribal inclusions his psyche is wired for and has been for fifty million years.

We fear discovering that we are more than we think we are. More than our parents/children/teachers think we are. We fear that we actually possess the talent that our still, small voice tells us. That we actually have the guts, the perseverance, the capacity. We fear that we truly can steer our ship, plant our flag, reach our Promised Land. We fear this because if it's true, then we become estranged from all we know. We pass through a membrane. We become monsters and monstrous.

We know that if we embrace our ideals, we must prove worthy of them. And that scares the hell out of us. What will become of us? We will lose our friends and family, who will no longer recognize us. We will wind up alone, in the cold void of starry space, with nothing and no one to hold on to.

Of course, this is exactly what happens. But here's the trick. We wind up in space, but not alone. Instead we are tapped into an unquenchable, undepletable, inexhaustible, source of wisdom, consciousness, companionship. Yeah, we lose friends. But we find friends too, in places we never thought to look. And they're better friends, truer friends. And we're better and truer to them.

Do you believe me?"