All is quiet...

It's been more than a week since I've gotten back from the Philippines, and I still have yet to find a normal sleeping pattern! gaar...

But, that's okay. That's just a sign from my body and from God that I need to learn how to relax and rest. Still have lots of ideas running through my head. It's time for me to hone in on what I really want to do, setting up a plan, and learning ways to plan out my finances and time to invest in it.

Art school today was really good. I feel so out of my element though, but that's okay. Lord knows that I need to get out of my comfort zone. Just as long as I'm experiencing good pain and uncomfortable situations that will work out in the long run. I've got to pick up my art school supplies. I don't want to get kicked out of class. My teacher sounds a little hard core actually. heheheh I want to check out her exhibit at the Lawndale soon!

Prayer time has been good lately. I worked on my spiritual autobiography - I want to lay it out on a larger piece of paper sometime because I think it would be interesting to set aside and look at. Basically a spiritual autobiography is a way to examine how your experiences and past have related to your view and relationship with God. It's interesting how crappy stuff can totally warp your view of God and make you feel -- Geez, God must really hate me because He let this stuff happen to me. And, get all pouty and in a tizzy. It's rather immature and silly, but at the time, you don't feel real great and it does suck.

I like the message that Jack Wisdom taught us on Sunday and the term: Ehyey (or "Ay - yay"). It means "I will be with you." Sometimes that's really all I need to know. In the midst of craziness, stress, cluelessness and busy-ness, "I will be with you" is essentially what I need to know. That trust and confidence in God is crucial for my sanity.

How many times have I failed to look at a situation maturely because I was so afraid that the bottom was gonna fall out or suddenly that job or that relationship was going to bail? "I will be with you" is that promise and that fulfillment that I oftentimes so desperately wanted to hear when I was younger. This life and this world is so temporary. Thus, we invest so much in wanting to feel secure and comfortable by spending time on some of the most meaningless stuff (even stuff that we think is important like your career or school --> but just doing it for the wrong reasons). Ehyey -- I thank God I have Him.

I will continue to create a finished product of my spiritual autobiography and continue working through these Augustine spiritual exercises. I'm hopeful that I can just continue to be open and flexible -- slowly we can all work on discovering who God intended for us to be. It just takes time, stillness, quiet, and reflection. Easier said than done... but I'm excited about the summer, I think it will be a good time to really challenge and think about things.