thanks to "Crazy Love"

I've started this blog project because I've just finished the book "Crazy Love." I was so moved and stirred by the book -- I'd oftentimes find myself in tears or paralyzed in thought wondering about so many things that I have settled for in life. I've placed my life in a simple box -- in general, I've had a pretty happy life as a single, young woman. I have my freedom, a stable job, good family, good friends, a church...

At the beginning of this year, I was wondering what my new goals would be and I reviewed the New Year's resolutions I set out for myself last year. I was happy with my 2008 accomplishments:

:: Lost 25 pounds - It was a challenge to have to track everything I ate, but I wanted to take care of what God gave me and learn how to eat healthy.

:: Ran a sub-thirty minute 5K - For the longest time, my running speed never went anywhere until I pushed myself to join a running group with coaches. The group and my trainers pushed me to change my habits and try new things. It took almost the whole year, but in November I ran a 5K in 27 minutes.

:: Completed my first triathlon - A kind friend loaned me a bicycle and I was able to train for a sprint triathlon. Doing something so different and challenging was very exciting for me. It was nice to get back into the pool and get back on a bike. Running, swimming, and biking reminded me of those summer days as a kid when we'd play for hours until the sun came down.

I worked hard for each of these things. I had to take an honest assessment of who I was and accept what my body could do. A doctor told me my body was made up of 37% body fat. There are no white lies or excuses when the lab results are in your face like that. I faced the facts -- I was overweight and pretty flabby. But, I accepted and loved the body that I had. This body got me through 31 years of my life, and it was time for me to take care of it. I patiently made small changes. I knew with time, patience and discipline I could accomplish these things.

Then, suddenly after reading "Crazy Love," I thought to myself, "What bold dreams have I ever had for God?" My mind got pretty quiet. I spent some mornings praying and doing yoga. Perhaps, I thought about my spirituality in small group or church. But, have I ever honestly pushed the confines of my soul? Have I ever honestly desired God and his presence? Have I ever accepted a challenge from God just like the physical challenges I endured last year?

I can honestly say no. Not even close. I've never honestly felt a very strong intimate feeling to pursue God's heart and to live His desires. Don't get me wrong. I know who God is and I know I have accepted him, but I've never pushed my soul. I've never disciplined my soul.

I've waken up some mornings thinking,"Yes! It's a beautiful morning. Perfect day for a run. When will I have time for a run." Or, I've thought about my friends and family in that giddy excitement wondering,"Wow, I haven't seen her in a while! I wonder when I'll get to see her and ooh! We should go out and do this for fun."

I don't recall any great moments where my heart was so stirred and excited--where I wanted to please God and pull into His presence in the same way I look forward to going for a run or seeing an old friend. Yes, I love to pray and read the word, but not with that same excitement, discipline and zeal. So I have invested many hours in physical training -- when have I ever invested the time to honestly listen to God and follow through with a bold challenge or wanted to please God so badly I was willing to give up some of my own comfort and resources for others or wondered what I could do to please Him.

See thanks to this "Crazy Love" book... It really started getting me thinking more and more and more. To the point of guilt. But God doesn't want us to be paralyzed in guilt. He wants us to push past that. If I was created by Him and for Him, shouldn't that be my most important priority? Whatever I do in life should fit into honoring Him -- my resources, my talents, and my accomplishments ARE actually His resources, His talents and His accomplishments.

So with this blog, it is my goal to examine, pray, and act upon my pursuit for God's love. Resting in His presence and honestly seeking His desire and being the person He desires me to be. I hope with this blog I can record and share my thoughts on what "Crazy Love" has motivated me to be and experience a renewed sense of God's presence.