prayer card

"O, Holy Spirit, beloved of my soul, ... I adore You.

Enlighten me, guide me, strengthen me, console me.

Tell me what I should do ...give me Your orders.

I promise to submit myself to all that You desire
of me and to accept all that You permit to happen to me.

Let me only know Your will."

Fall Festivity

Hello again!

As cooler temperatures roll into the area, we are prompted once again to reflect on a new season. I suppose it's time to bust out the fun velvety jacket, the cute boots, and fun tights. As nature slows down, it's perhaps time for us to do some reflection, slowing down, shedding, and surrendering. So, carve out some time, get a nice spicy smelling candle, and dig in.

After listening to Kimberly Wilson's super-awesome and inspiring teleclass (http://www.kimberlywilson.com/blog/), we are encouraged again to bust out our eight petals for fall.

Self Study
"How do geese know when to fly the sun? Who tells them the season? How do we humans know when it is time to move on? As with migrant birds, so surely with us there is a voice within if only we would listen to it, that tells us certainly when to go forth into the unknown." - Kubler-Ross

Think About:
1) What is your inner voice telling you to do this fall?

2) What is ready to unfold in your life that you have kept hidden or hesitate to do out of fear?

3) What are your top 5 goals and dreams you would like to accomplish by December 21?

Savor Solo Time
Think About:
1) What are ways you can replenish and feel renewed?

2) Do you have a go-to list of things that make you feel better? Are they readily available for you?

3) Plan a Solo Girl's Night in! I love hot baths with bath bombs from Lush. I also enjoy practicing the Ayurvedic Massage (http://www.omplace.com/articles/Ayurvedic_Massage.html) which provides you the time to slowly take care of yourself and nourish your skin. Other supplies that help are good playlists on your iPod, your journal, a good book, and a comfy bed.

4) Play Tourist in a Nearby Town -- I've pulled out an article place in the Continental magazine about Galveston. I was flying back from Heathrow and I felt a little weird because I have been wanting to go all summer, but just never made it down there. Somehow I've managed to plan trips all over, but haven't found the time to make an hour drive down to Galveston. It would be fun to just ride my bike, look through the cute little shops, sip some coffee at the cafe on Post Office St, and catch a show at the Opera House.

5) Plan an Afternoon in a Cafe with a Good Book and Journal

6) Indulge in a Matinee! The movie theater near my house has $4 matinees.

Indulge in Frugalista Fashion
Kimberly Recommended a Few Bargain Items to Check out and Work in Your Fall Repetoire
1) Shoes (http://www.paylessontherunway.com/index.html)I haven't been to Payless in years. I actually prefer to buy nicer shoes at DSW or take my shoes to a repair man. But, it doesn't hurt to take a peek.

2) Knit a Scarf. (Oh goodness! If you know me, you are probably cringing out this. LOL)There are other crafty ventures like peacock headbands, faux fur collars, and beading your own necklace. These can also end up as cute gifts during the holidays.

3) Throwing on layers of your favorite summer clothes. I do indulge in this. I have a long sleeved black top that I can layer under my summer dresses. I also like fun and cute knit stockings. I might try some crazy colors like purple this year. You can also layer on your favorite cute boots under a nice skirt or dress.

Self Care
As the holidays, events, time with family and friends start to pile on at the end of the season, it is very important to nourish yourself.
1) Drink lots of water. 2) Use moisturizer and sunscreen. 3) Get lots and lots of sleep. 4) Use oatmeal in facial cleanser. 5) Use chilled tea bags on tired eyes. 6) Get a fun fall colored lipstick. 7) Use your lip balm. 8) getting a facial 9) footrubs/mani/pedi 10)staying in bed days 11) hot baths 12) flowers/candles

Go on Retreat
Try out a retreat center or stay at home and set aside some time. Light some candles, burn some incense, get out your favorite beverage, get some napping in, do some restorative/yin yoga, plan out big goals, journal, gratitude, and reading. :)

Think Ahead
Where would you like to be by September 21, 2009? Location-Career-Activities-Savings...
How will those things play out in 5 years? We should be in a position that is slighlty uncomfortable and pushing our edges.

Embrace Social Media Get connected with blogs, twitter, linkedin and facebook. Expand your social community on the internet.

Mantra May all beings be happy and free. May the thoughts, words and actions of my own life contribute in some way to the happiness and freedom for all.

Perspective -- Negative Space

I was enjoying a beautiful Chicago afternoon. The sun was out and a nice breeze came through making it comfortable to sit outside on the patio at Cafe Ba Ba Reeba. I was having a wonderful conversation and just catching up. The red sangria was tasty and refreshing especially after a long walk along Lake Michigan. Each little detail reminded me of trips taken to Spain and Italy in the past year: people enjoying their afternoon, eating good food, the tasty bread with olive oil, the smell of the lamb and ribs, the romantic combination of smoky bacon and sweet dates, and the big giant jamon legs just hanging right over the bar welcoming the guests.

My dinner companion and I got a little sad because we were basically in denial that the summer was pretty much over. Both of us just started grad school and we wondered how there were people on the other side of the Atlantic lucky enough to live a relaxed lifestyle while we were slaving away here in the land of results, efficiency, and productivity.

Why are we always looking at what we don't have instead of what we are lucky enough to have? Perhaps it's time to be more grateful for what we get instead of what other people have? Ever wonder that God knows what you deserve? And He feels what you have been given is what you are honestly ready to handle right now?

In art class, we were working on negative space. It's when you look at the space outside of the object instead of the form of the object. I straight up can't stand doing it. My classmates over the summer also struggled with it, and my former teacher almost threw a hissy fit because we all sucked at it. I think she almost threw a chair at us. I blocked that part out of my mind.

My shoulders tensed up when we started drawing the negative spaces around a step ladder and random bamboo stick. My teacher came around and told me to slow down. He encouraged me to really examine the shapes coming around the objects. I just wanted to rush through it because I found the exercise reminded me of those unpleasant days in the past. If I'm not immediately grasping a concept, I'm ready to move on to something else. Or if something made me unhappy in the past, I sometimes just shut down and don't want to re-visit that terrible memory. Yeah, I know, it's not the most mature way to handle things.

Then, we moved on to an exercise where we had to take on the letters of our name. He told us to twist the letters, examine the form of the letters, and make it abstract. I couldn't do it. In my job, I am asked to make images and words meaningful and relevant. I kept on trying to make my name recognizable.

My art teacher and classmates did a walk-around. It was pretty obvious that I missed the point of the assignment. All the other kids had these cool elaborate symbols. I wanted to blurt out,"Well yeah, but I can't see the letters or their freakin' name! I could have made some shit up too. Plus, they aren't even using negative space." But, our teacher wanted us to focus on making a beautiful, abstract drawing and eventually later find the letters in the piece that made out our name. I told him that in my job I'd get in trouble if I made something that required an explanation. That clarity, relevance, and logic are important. It was so hard to break through my boundaries.

This morning, I started to doodle, and in the jumble of letters, I started to trip out! I could see something emerging like the cannabis-induced vision of an ant colony that comes out of the tile on your kitchen floor. I could see a human figure coming out of the letters: a head and some arms and legs! Eventually, I saw a beautiful woman in the letters standing proud and tall and graceful. It dawned on me that I just had to think creatively and push myself. Instead of pouting or stomping my feet about how much this sucked or felt pointless, I just realized that I had to be open and walk away from the harshness and rules I relied on so much.

I close this entry from Sarah Ban Breathnach's "Simple Abundance":
"We've got the big picture but it's backwards. So we cry when we should be laughing, are envious when we should feel inspired, experience deprivation instead of abundance, do it the hard way instead of the easy way, pull back instead of reaching out. And worst of all, we close our hearts so we won't get hurt, when opening them is the only way we'll ever know joy.

How many times have we waited for [the] Spirit to move for us when in fact [the] Spirit is waiting to work with us?

Today take the negative of your Divine Plan and let Love develop so that you can begin living the life for which you were created. It's time to move forward."

back to working out - soul stretching

Yeah, I'm not talking about the working out where I register for a race and plot out some workouts for the next couple months. I'm talking about the working out that happens in your heart and soul. When you have to face yourself all the good parts and the ugly parts and really discover what is keeping you from connecting with God and why God created you and me.

As the fall begins, I don't want to lose touch of those important issues stirring in my heart and I am again soul-searching. I've realized that I'm at a stage in my spiritual walk that needs to be updated, spruced up, cleaned up...

:: try out a new church community, small group, and meet other humble people searching for God

:: put in the time to fix what I need to fix instead of constantly consuming and criticizing my surroundings and situations

:: connect with creation and realize that God is the ultimate creator (nothing that we can do can fulfill all the desires in our heart) and we are created for God and by God

:: the sooner I see how serious this relationship with God is the sooner I can come to terms with handling myself the way I was originally intended to (what is God's role in my life? what does God want me to do?)

So, here's to another week of fall. I hope to find time to really renew my commitments to God - our only one true perfect love...

the seed -- scary, bold and exciting

So, I am thinking about starting my own business. I know everyone has those lofty dreams. But, it starts from somewhere like the time I decided to run a half marathon, finish a triathlon, or finally take more art classes. It starts with a small voice in your head and heart, and it usually doesn't go away until the dream comes into fruition.

I am not really sure how or where to start. Well, that's not all entirely true. I worked for a couple small businesses and a nonprofit consulting firm for entrepreneurs. I have also been hearing these ideas of working for myself and mixed in with the ideas of space and time and work/life/balance. I don't think my life will get any easier, but I suppose it would be an interesting venture.

I just started graduate school, and a lot of people keep asking me what the heck do I suppose I will do with the degree once I'm done. And, to be honest I am not really sure... But, the option of working for myself does sound alluring... More research must be done.

I titled this entry "the seed" because of Lynne Franks' "The Seed Handbook." SEED stands for Sustainable Enterprise and Empowerment Dynamics. She speaks in a bold and compassionate way, and her enthusiasm is very inspiring. If I am really going to put myself out there, there is a whole lot of sh*t I am gonna have to clean up about myself: clutter, distractions, my fiscal responsibilities and negative messages from me and the people I surround myself with for the next few years. But, it all starts with a desire in your heart -- a desire that God has planted. Gently pushing our edges without self-criticism, slowly and with confidence learning what God wants for us, and finding that intersect of happiness (where your soul and God's intentions meet).

So, who knows... where this adventure will take me, but I figure... may as well. Today is as good as any.

BKS Iyengar

While taking a break from dorking out (aka studying) at Border's Galleria, I picked up a book called "Yoga Wisdom and Practice" by BKS Iyengar. I read a little bit about how he got started in yoga, and it is an amazing story about growing up very, very weak and fragile. Oftentimes, he would get sick very easily and his struggles to attempt to use yoga in his life.

I found the following quote quite lovely: "Each day was an ordeal but God's grace forced me to make one more attempt for every failure." God's grace - I thought it was so beautiful to think about. If he wasn't open to communicating to God, he would not have had the hope to continue doing his asanas. God's grace is the fuel that completes us and helps us to accept where we are -- imperfect and incomplete. God's grace is the undeserved gift or deed that God gives.

Thank God for his grace. His grace is a guide for me to understand who we are: human beings created in his image and likeness though marred by sin.

Facing Your Fears

Facing the Fears...Staring at Your Demons...and Kicking Resistance in the Stomach

I think you know what I'm talking about. Those nasty questions that bug you at night or when you're waiting for the bus or going for a walk: "What if I'm not good enough? What if he no longer loves me and dumps me? What if I'm honestly meant to be alone? What if it's not in the cards for me and I really don't deserve anything I am working hard for? What if they find out that I'm really stupid and don't know what I'm doing?...." Anyway, I'm sure you can insert your own concerns here...

Do you ever get concerned about things? You think way too much about something? You ever dwell in doubt and fears that it becomes an unwelcomed friend?

What do you do to deal with it?

- Sometimes I just sit there and wonder where the hell this is all coming from? There's an obvious message underneath all that crap and self-doubt. It's important to get to the root of that message.

- In response to it, sometimes I write those fears down or say them out loud. In a way, I almost think by writing or saying them I am giving those fears power. But, eventually, you have to face them and let them out. Then you can rationally and logically and even spiritually be mindful of them. Lay them out before God. There is a cosmos that is greater than you. Let nature take its course and through breathing and experience you can calm your nerves.

- Sometimes, I just cry. I know that is really insane and crazy for some people to think about, but sometimes it's really all you wanted to do. The tears, emotions, and frustration eventually come up to the top of glass and float there. Play your sad music and just cry. It's okay.

- Tell a friend or a family member. Sometimes they can put your fears into perspective.

It was interesting to read about what Steven Pressfield says about fear in "The War of Art."

"These are serious fears. But they're not the real fear. Not the Master Fear, the Mother of all Fears that's so close to us that even when we verbalize it we don't believe it. Fear That We Will Succeed.

That we can access the powers we secretly know we possess.

That we can become the person we sense in our hearts we truly are.

This is the most terrifying propsect a human being can face, because it ejects him at one go (he imagines) from all the tribal inclusions his psyche is wired for and has been for fifty million years.

We fear discovering that we are more than we think we are. More than our parents/children/teachers think we are. We fear that we actually possess the talent that our still, small voice tells us. That we actually have the guts, the perseverance, the capacity. We fear that we truly can steer our ship, plant our flag, reach our Promised Land. We fear this because if it's true, then we become estranged from all we know. We pass through a membrane. We become monsters and monstrous.

We know that if we embrace our ideals, we must prove worthy of them. And that scares the hell out of us. What will become of us? We will lose our friends and family, who will no longer recognize us. We will wind up alone, in the cold void of starry space, with nothing and no one to hold on to.

Of course, this is exactly what happens. But here's the trick. We wind up in space, but not alone. Instead we are tapped into an unquenchable, undepletable, inexhaustible, source of wisdom, consciousness, companionship. Yeah, we lose friends. But we find friends too, in places we never thought to look. And they're better friends, truer friends. And we're better and truer to them.

Do you believe me?"