Brilliance

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone, and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." -- Marianne Williamson

1) Showing gratitude.
2) Attitude of acceptance (NOT complacency).
3) Recognizing when credit is due and being supportive to others.
4) Dealing with pride and jealousy. Life is definitely too short for pettiness.
5) Finding God's true passion for your life.

People-People-People

I've been thinking about relationships and friendships lately. Actually, the sad thing is I have been recalling the crappy parts of relationships: the exhaustion, loss of trust, and drama. It almost makes you wanna crawl in a hole and do your own thing and beat people with a stick. That's what ugliness can do to ones spirit. But, the beautiful thing about God is that He made us to be in relationship with Him and in others. We are not meant to be an island on our own. What's the fun in that?

I came across Milton Glaser's website, and he had this interesting article called "Ten Things I Have Learned." And, it's funny. I'm sure a lot of people KNOW this and have experienced it and struggle with it. It's my hope that I lean on God to show me how to manage my relationships better because goodness I can't do it by myself. I've got to be infused with the unique and graceful love that only Jesus knows how to do. It's also my hope that I can slowly convert my heart to feel what Jesus feels, push out some of the pettiness and crabbiness that has crusted all around my heart, and pursue his greatest command of love.

From Milton Glaser's "Ten Things I've Learned"
SOME PEOPLE ARE TOXIC AVOID THEM.
This is a subtext of number one. There was in the sixties a man named Fritz Perls who was a gestalt therapist. Gestalt therapy derives from art history, it proposes you must understand the ‘whole’ before you can understand the details. What you have to look at is the entire culture, the entire family and community and so on. Perls proposed that in all relationships people could be either toxic or nourishing towards one another. It is not necessarily true that the same person will be toxic or nourishing in every relationship, but the combination of any two people in a relationship produces toxic or nourishing consequences. And the important thing that I can tell you is that there is a test to determine whether someone is toxic or nourishing in your relationship with them. Here is the test: You have spent some time with this person, either you have a drink or go for dinner or you go to a ball game. It doesn’t matter very much but at the end of that time you observe whether you are more energised or less energised. Whether you are tired or whether you are exhilarated. If you are more tired then you have been poisoned. If you have more energy you have been nourished. The test is almost infallible and I suggest that you use it for the rest of your life.

fire in the belly!

Last night, I went to yoga class and quick and dirty twenty minute run. I loved how delicious the stretches were in class, and I could feel the neurons in my head buzzing as my yoga instructor asked us to try new poses. I like the concept of stretching the confines of my mind, the length of my muscles, and having a big grin on my face while I'm in class. Afterwards, I felt a little tired, but I thought,"Come on girlie! Just run for twenty minutes!." So, I went out on a muggy evening and I managed to eek out my twenty minutes. It was similar to that weird feeling I get when I get off my bike and jump into a three mile run.

Getting my body in motion inspired me again! It motivated me to do a triathlon this fall. I wanted to do three triathlons or do two triathlons and a surfing class. I did one triathlon in Pearland, and I will be doing the Eastside Triathlon in Baytown on September 13th. Woo hoo! Instead of doing a third triathlon, I will be doing surfing class in Port Aransas with my beau. It should be lots of fun.

It's amazing how when you find that place where God made you, create the time to appreciate and take care of yourself, and push yourself gently and lightly. There's this beautiful energy that rises from it. Just lovely...quite lovely....

getting back in the groove

I am back in the country once again. Wow, who knew I would end up going on two international trips this summer. I am very, very blessed for those experiences. As I make a courageous attempt to do my best in my professional work, art work, and physical challenges, I had a couple quotes to share:

* From Steven Pressfield's "Art on War": "There's no mystery to turning pro. It's a decision brought about by an act of will. We make up our minds to view ourselves as pros and we do it. Simple as that."

I have done a lot of thinking about career, hobbies, interests --> I am constantly thinking about happiness. I honestly believe happiness is when your desire in your heart and soul matches with the intention that God put forth for your life. We won't get at that intersection by being lazy, wasting away, or avoiding those urges and desires that well up inside our guts. The "Art of War" has been a beautiful and convicting motivator.

* Jack Wisdom's lecture on gratitude and ingratitude: a thankful heart

Wow, it is so easy to always look at what we don't have. Or feel like the card we were dealt was cruel or unfair. It's important to start each day with a thankful heart. Write down or tell a loved one the little things that make you feel grateful for the blessings God gives. I like how the apostle Paul despite his circumstances in jail was always committed to having a thankful heart. God so badly wants us to recognize the beauty he created for us each day. Don't forget to create space in your life to do that.

"This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it!"

Questions for Me: Summer Solstice

So, it's 6 months into the year. OOOOOOHH! Ahhhhh!!!!

Kimberly Wilson is encouraging me to work on 8 topics.

1. How do I want to SHINE this summer? What is ready to SHINE but is not coming out because of fear or hesitance?

2. Travel: What choices are we making that prevent us from traveling this summer?

3. Get an Artist Date accomplished every week.

4. Do something that scares you.

5. Create a morning ritual.

6. Reflect on how you spend your time.

7. Get your heart rate up.

8. Reach out.

All is quiet...

It's been more than a week since I've gotten back from the Philippines, and I still have yet to find a normal sleeping pattern! gaar...

But, that's okay. That's just a sign from my body and from God that I need to learn how to relax and rest. Still have lots of ideas running through my head. It's time for me to hone in on what I really want to do, setting up a plan, and learning ways to plan out my finances and time to invest in it.

Art school today was really good. I feel so out of my element though, but that's okay. Lord knows that I need to get out of my comfort zone. Just as long as I'm experiencing good pain and uncomfortable situations that will work out in the long run. I've got to pick up my art school supplies. I don't want to get kicked out of class. My teacher sounds a little hard core actually. heheheh I want to check out her exhibit at the Lawndale soon!

Prayer time has been good lately. I worked on my spiritual autobiography - I want to lay it out on a larger piece of paper sometime because I think it would be interesting to set aside and look at. Basically a spiritual autobiography is a way to examine how your experiences and past have related to your view and relationship with God. It's interesting how crappy stuff can totally warp your view of God and make you feel -- Geez, God must really hate me because He let this stuff happen to me. And, get all pouty and in a tizzy. It's rather immature and silly, but at the time, you don't feel real great and it does suck.

I like the message that Jack Wisdom taught us on Sunday and the term: Ehyey (or "Ay - yay"). It means "I will be with you." Sometimes that's really all I need to know. In the midst of craziness, stress, cluelessness and busy-ness, "I will be with you" is essentially what I need to know. That trust and confidence in God is crucial for my sanity.

How many times have I failed to look at a situation maturely because I was so afraid that the bottom was gonna fall out or suddenly that job or that relationship was going to bail? "I will be with you" is that promise and that fulfillment that I oftentimes so desperately wanted to hear when I was younger. This life and this world is so temporary. Thus, we invest so much in wanting to feel secure and comfortable by spending time on some of the most meaningless stuff (even stuff that we think is important like your career or school --> but just doing it for the wrong reasons). Ehyey -- I thank God I have Him.

I will continue to create a finished product of my spiritual autobiography and continue working through these Augustine spiritual exercises. I'm hopeful that I can just continue to be open and flexible -- slowly we can all work on discovering who God intended for us to be. It just takes time, stillness, quiet, and reflection. Easier said than done... but I'm excited about the summer, I think it will be a good time to really challenge and think about things.

wow - I know! No blogging, no love and no time!

So, I am back here again! I hope to honestly make an effort this summer to write in this. I miss the free time that I had to share some of my thoughts, and I think that when someone doesn't have that space and time to sort/settle/ and clean up the mind -- it can be a very dangerous circumstance. You may be wondering what the heck I have been up to lately. Let's just say that from March up until about now has been pretty busy and hectic. It got so bad that my body decided to take her own vacation and was out of commission for four days with bronchitis in April. Then, I took a two-week vacation to the Motherland. I hope to share some of what I've learned from the trip. I'll definitely have to tell you about:
- Jollibee
- Driver/bodyguards
- Swimming with tropical fish, running on the beach and ziplining over the jungle
- And, the not so pretty: father-daughter bonding at 2am and crying on a bus

I've also got a ton of ideas/projects brewing in my crazy, overactive mind.
- Continuing my thoughts and exercises on prayer: Thanks to Ignatian Spiritual exercises!
- The Russians: I'm trying to finish The Idiot and am tempted to move on to Lolita. I've got tickets to Swan Lake - woohoo!
- Preparing for graduate school: becoming MACinized, taking a summer drawing class, figuring out if this is really what I need to be doing
- This is triathlon season: I would like to compete in three triathlons this summer.
- Surfing camp in July: I totally missed out on this last summer, and I really want to go.
- Spain: Trying to get the heck out of dodge again? Gotta make some choices and see if I can get over there this summer.
- Choosing and investing in my dreams/future: Yeah, what the heck am I doing? I am back into that part of my life where I'm not sure what it going on? I'm bored/restless/craving something new. But, what that is exactly? I have no clue!
- Doing My Shit the Right Way: I know I run my mouth, say uncouth things and can be really LOUD! How does one continue to change and respond to stress with grace, class, and style? Regardless of my circumstance, I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Do I honestly believe that?