So, I am back here again! I hope to honestly make an effort this summer to write in this. I miss the free time that I had to share some of my thoughts, and I think that when someone doesn't have that space and time to sort/settle/ and clean up the mind -- it can be a very dangerous circumstance. You may be wondering what the heck I have been up to lately. Let's just say that from March up until about now has been pretty busy and hectic. It got so bad that my body decided to take her own vacation and was out of commission for four days with bronchitis in April. Then, I took a two-week vacation to the Motherland. I hope to share some of what I've learned from the trip. I'll definitely have to tell you about:
- Jollibee
- Driver/bodyguards
- Swimming with tropical fish, running on the beach and ziplining over the jungle
- And, the not so pretty: father-daughter bonding at 2am and crying on a bus
I've also got a ton of ideas/projects brewing in my crazy, overactive mind.
- Continuing my thoughts and exercises on prayer: Thanks to Ignatian Spiritual exercises!
- The Russians: I'm trying to finish The Idiot and am tempted to move on to Lolita. I've got tickets to Swan Lake - woohoo!
- Preparing for graduate school: becoming MACinized, taking a summer drawing class, figuring out if this is really what I need to be doing
- This is triathlon season: I would like to compete in three triathlons this summer.
- Surfing camp in July: I totally missed out on this last summer, and I really want to go.
- Spain: Trying to get the heck out of dodge again? Gotta make some choices and see if I can get over there this summer.
- Choosing and investing in my dreams/future: Yeah, what the heck am I doing? I am back into that part of my life where I'm not sure what it going on? I'm bored/restless/craving something new. But, what that is exactly? I have no clue!
- Doing My Shit the Right Way: I know I run my mouth, say uncouth things and can be really LOUD! How does one continue to change and respond to stress with grace, class, and style? Regardless of my circumstance, I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Do I honestly believe that?
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
long time no blogging!
I miss writing in this thing. sniff... sniff...Sorry I have been so ragged and busy. I promise I will write in this thing this week. Just been a very traumatizing month for me, and I am still trying to readjust to things.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
being present
Sometimes I have trouble focusing with what tasks are on hand. Somehow I'm either playing catch-up or I'm trying to feverishly anticipate for the next big thing coming around the corner. Were we made to run around at such a disgustingly frenetic pace?
I don't know about you, but I'm actually fed up with it.
And, I'm contributing to that pace. When I agree to doing something I don't really want to do... When I agree to doing something out of guilt and not of love... When I take on too much stuff... When I commit to too much stuff and I end up looking like a frosted flake... When I ask people to do something and pressure them into it...
It's time for me to really honor what it means to take a Sabbath. The word is based on the word Shabbat in Hebrew meaning "to cease." I'm trying to remember the last Sunday evening where I honestly felt rested... Where I was so rested and relaxed I was ready to take on the next week... There's a term called the Sunday night blues where people suffer a mild form of depression because they know that Monday is just around the corner.
I'm ready to feel renewed and relaxed.
I hope that I will wake up on Sunday and truly honor what it means "to cease."
I don't know about you, but I'm actually fed up with it.
And, I'm contributing to that pace. When I agree to doing something I don't really want to do... When I agree to doing something out of guilt and not of love... When I take on too much stuff... When I commit to too much stuff and I end up looking like a frosted flake... When I ask people to do something and pressure them into it...
It's time for me to really honor what it means to take a Sabbath. The word is based on the word Shabbat in Hebrew meaning "to cease." I'm trying to remember the last Sunday evening where I honestly felt rested... Where I was so rested and relaxed I was ready to take on the next week... There's a term called the Sunday night blues where people suffer a mild form of depression because they know that Monday is just around the corner.
I'm ready to feel renewed and relaxed.
I hope that I will wake up on Sunday and truly honor what it means "to cease."
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
where am I in the project
Since I've finished two weeks of this crazy project (100 miles, 100 prayers, $100 to charity and 100 hours of service) thus far, here's where I am:
:: $100 raised - I still have to put the money in Sheila's fundraising page
:: 10.75 hours in service to others
:: 22 miles
:: 15 sessions in meditation, prayer, and/or delving into the Word
I don't know why this feels weird tracking my progress. It's not like you can buy a Nike watch which tracks the activities on my soul either.
Continue to pray that this doesn't become legalistic. That what I'm doing pleases God and doesn't delineate from that path.
:: $100 raised - I still have to put the money in Sheila's fundraising page
:: 10.75 hours in service to others
:: 22 miles
:: 15 sessions in meditation, prayer, and/or delving into the Word
I don't know why this feels weird tracking my progress. It's not like you can buy a Nike watch which tracks the activities on my soul either.
Continue to pray that this doesn't become legalistic. That what I'm doing pleases God and doesn't delineate from that path.
tuesday morning prayer
So, here's an interesting exercise in prayer...
I took a legal pad out and I tried to fill it up with things I was thankful to God for. At first it seemed a little weird to me. Who does that? Finds things to be thankful for. Aren't we more in tune to knowing what we need to pray for or are more focused on our inequities and injustices? But, it's humbling and joyful at the same time. It makes you embrace the attitude and belief that God already provides you with more than enough. You should be swimming in His grace. There should be so much in your life already there because He knows our needs already.
So, I scribbled things down and it really forced me to consider what I really invested my time in doing last week and really got me to pin down the good things, events, and people already there in my life. I got to about half the page and wanted to quit, but I kept going. I kept replaying my week and thinking about moments that I almost forgotten about -- searching for the good, the beauty, and joy God keeps giving us. Maybe the next time I do it I won't feel so lame about having a thankful heart. Also, maybe the next time someone does good I'll verbally recognize it and quickly thank the person.
After my crazy thankfulness writing, I delved into the passages Chris Seay mentioned on Sunday. Psalm 25, Genesis 9, 1 Peter 3, and Mark 1. I was especially drawn to Psalm 25. There's humility and beauty in it and if you are ever lost or feeling like crap, it's a good one to look at and pray about. I also liked 1 Peter 3. Will probably read over those two, let those two marinate for the next few days and see what I can do to put what inspires me into action.
Finally, I filled up a sheet on prayers. Wow, it's is so much easier to find things we should pray for as opposed to finding things to be thankful for. I mean God isn't a vending machine by any means, but if we can constantly be looking out for one another, pray for one another, love for one another who knows what God can do with that.
I took a legal pad out and I tried to fill it up with things I was thankful to God for. At first it seemed a little weird to me. Who does that? Finds things to be thankful for. Aren't we more in tune to knowing what we need to pray for or are more focused on our inequities and injustices? But, it's humbling and joyful at the same time. It makes you embrace the attitude and belief that God already provides you with more than enough. You should be swimming in His grace. There should be so much in your life already there because He knows our needs already.
So, I scribbled things down and it really forced me to consider what I really invested my time in doing last week and really got me to pin down the good things, events, and people already there in my life. I got to about half the page and wanted to quit, but I kept going. I kept replaying my week and thinking about moments that I almost forgotten about -- searching for the good, the beauty, and joy God keeps giving us. Maybe the next time I do it I won't feel so lame about having a thankful heart. Also, maybe the next time someone does good I'll verbally recognize it and quickly thank the person.
After my crazy thankfulness writing, I delved into the passages Chris Seay mentioned on Sunday. Psalm 25, Genesis 9, 1 Peter 3, and Mark 1. I was especially drawn to Psalm 25. There's humility and beauty in it and if you are ever lost or feeling like crap, it's a good one to look at and pray about. I also liked 1 Peter 3. Will probably read over those two, let those two marinate for the next few days and see what I can do to put what inspires me into action.
Finally, I filled up a sheet on prayers. Wow, it's is so much easier to find things we should pray for as opposed to finding things to be thankful for. I mean God isn't a vending machine by any means, but if we can constantly be looking out for one another, pray for one another, love for one another who knows what God can do with that.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Getting Rid of My Wii
Yeah, so do you want to know something really sad and disturbing? For more than a year, I've owned an xBOX 360 and a wii. And, honestly, for the majority of the year, I've never played them. Actually, right now, they are in my brother's possession because I have no use for them. There's a good reason for that. I'm not a hardcore gamer. Never been to any special event with the word "CON" in the title. It's just not in me to want to continually play games like that until 2 or 3 in the morning.
Sure, it's fun to play GH on occasion with friends. I have a lot of good friends that I play GH with, but it's not an obsession for us. Seriously, I'd rather do other things with my personal time. Perhaps, it was just another passing fad that we all go through like drinking pepsi or acid wash jeans. I just eventually grew out of it I suppose.
So months have passed and I've been really torn about what to do with the game systems. I was actually going to donate them to the Burundi children or find an after-school program to give the systems to. My little brother has had them for a while, but since he's too busy, he doesn't really use them either.
Well eventually, I got the opportunity to sell my wii. I would have given it away since it was a gift, but to make things easier, I just told the person to give me what she felt comfortable paying. She gave me $100 for it. And, that so happens to be the same amount of money I wanted to donate to a charity by Easter.
I'm glad that this wii is going to give some joy to someone else since it hasn't brought me any of those things lately. Someone out there will actually use it instead of having it collect dust for months. The sad thing is there's a child out there with parents who can't afford to purchase such luxuries and I greedily hoarded these things for months. Sadly enough, I wasn't even really using them. The xBox is still with my brother for now. He said he would like to use it. So, at least both systems will be put to use for now.
I have a close relative who has been battling lupus for two years now. So, I've decided to donate the money to lupus research. She is participating in a charity walk. So, I'll put the funds toward her event. This brings me great joy...
Sure, it's fun to play GH on occasion with friends. I have a lot of good friends that I play GH with, but it's not an obsession for us. Seriously, I'd rather do other things with my personal time. Perhaps, it was just another passing fad that we all go through like drinking pepsi or acid wash jeans. I just eventually grew out of it I suppose.
So months have passed and I've been really torn about what to do with the game systems. I was actually going to donate them to the Burundi children or find an after-school program to give the systems to. My little brother has had them for a while, but since he's too busy, he doesn't really use them either.
Well eventually, I got the opportunity to sell my wii. I would have given it away since it was a gift, but to make things easier, I just told the person to give me what she felt comfortable paying. She gave me $100 for it. And, that so happens to be the same amount of money I wanted to donate to a charity by Easter.
I'm glad that this wii is going to give some joy to someone else since it hasn't brought me any of those things lately. Someone out there will actually use it instead of having it collect dust for months. The sad thing is there's a child out there with parents who can't afford to purchase such luxuries and I greedily hoarded these things for months. Sadly enough, I wasn't even really using them. The xBox is still with my brother for now. He said he would like to use it. So, at least both systems will be put to use for now.
I have a close relative who has been battling lupus for two years now. So, I've decided to donate the money to lupus research. She is participating in a charity walk. So, I'll put the funds toward her event. This brings me great joy...
Philippians 4:8-9
I know I typed these two verses up a couple posts ago, but it is probably worth going over again. There's a lot to really dig into within these two sentences.
"Finally, my friends, keep your minds on whatever is true, pure, right, holy, friendly and proper. Don't ever stop thinking about what is truly worthwhile and worthy of praise. You know the teachings I gave you, and you know what you heard me say and saw me do. So follow my example. And God, who gives peace, will be with you." Philippians 4:8-9
Goodness, these two verses are packed with a lot. And, it is very convicting if you look at these qualities in the terms of relationships: the character you have, the character of the company you keep, and the quality of the relationships you keep.
If you're jaded, tired, or feeling beaten down, these sentences may be hard to accept or adopt. But, there's hope in these words. "God, who gives peace, will be with you." I want that peace. I want the kind of genuine peace that only God can give. Sadly enough, as a person who grew up in the church, I should already know this. When we embody these qualities being true, pure, right, holy, friendly and proper, we become more Christ-like and we can experience a deeper level of peace and ultimately a deeper relationship with God.
So, why don't I do this? Well, mostly because it's easier for me to not face these issues. Instead, I delve into distractions and find other hiding places to provide artificial and temporary comforts. It's also MUCH easier to point out others who don't possess these qualities instead of worrying about if I, myself, have these qualities. It's much easier to complain about what others have done to us or see what others are lacking. Flipping around that perspective -- It's just so much harder for us to take the log out of our eye and see who we really are, examine our own flaws, and possess the change we so badly want to see in others.
That's sad to me. It's time for me to re-examine my priorities. Continue to change my attitude and see the changes that need to happen in my heart and in my decisions, and actions. How often do I focus on truth, purity, righteousness, holiness,friendliness, and propriety? How often is it important for me to seek people who can teach me these qualities? And, do my relationships with people possess these qualities?
The only way I can learn to possess these qualities is through God. I must continue to develop my love and desire to be with Him. I know I can't be these things on my own. I've seen the ugliness that I'm capable of doing, saying, and acting upon when I do things on my own. I pray for God to help me during Lent. I ask Him to help me examine each of these qualities. Find those weak spots inside me. Fill in the love that I honestly am seeking. So, I may find that peace and relationship with God I so badly want.
"Finally, my friends, keep your minds on whatever is true, pure, right, holy, friendly and proper. Don't ever stop thinking about what is truly worthwhile and worthy of praise. You know the teachings I gave you, and you know what you heard me say and saw me do. So follow my example. And God, who gives peace, will be with you." Philippians 4:8-9
Goodness, these two verses are packed with a lot. And, it is very convicting if you look at these qualities in the terms of relationships: the character you have, the character of the company you keep, and the quality of the relationships you keep.
If you're jaded, tired, or feeling beaten down, these sentences may be hard to accept or adopt. But, there's hope in these words. "God, who gives peace, will be with you." I want that peace. I want the kind of genuine peace that only God can give. Sadly enough, as a person who grew up in the church, I should already know this. When we embody these qualities being true, pure, right, holy, friendly and proper, we become more Christ-like and we can experience a deeper level of peace and ultimately a deeper relationship with God.
So, why don't I do this? Well, mostly because it's easier for me to not face these issues. Instead, I delve into distractions and find other hiding places to provide artificial and temporary comforts. It's also MUCH easier to point out others who don't possess these qualities instead of worrying about if I, myself, have these qualities. It's much easier to complain about what others have done to us or see what others are lacking. Flipping around that perspective -- It's just so much harder for us to take the log out of our eye and see who we really are, examine our own flaws, and possess the change we so badly want to see in others.
That's sad to me. It's time for me to re-examine my priorities. Continue to change my attitude and see the changes that need to happen in my heart and in my decisions, and actions. How often do I focus on truth, purity, righteousness, holiness,friendliness, and propriety? How often is it important for me to seek people who can teach me these qualities? And, do my relationships with people possess these qualities?
The only way I can learn to possess these qualities is through God. I must continue to develop my love and desire to be with Him. I know I can't be these things on my own. I've seen the ugliness that I'm capable of doing, saying, and acting upon when I do things on my own. I pray for God to help me during Lent. I ask Him to help me examine each of these qualities. Find those weak spots inside me. Fill in the love that I honestly am seeking. So, I may find that peace and relationship with God I so badly want.
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